"Confide In a Therapist, Not A Friend, Friends are great ways to vent our frustrations out about our relationships. This is because good friends are always supportive no matter how things are going. They care about you that's why you're friends. But sometimes the advice that friends give (even though they have good intentions) doesnt always present the best solution to fix the issues within your relationship. Instead, consider seeing a therapist or counselor. Someone who specializes in relationships can determine the actual problems of the relationship and, even better, providing possible solutions."
4 Tips to Healthy Arguments | ThirdAge: 'via Blog this'
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Wellness for Peace Tips: Healthy Arguments: Don't Yell
"Dont Yell!!! Yelling is a good way to shut down your discussion almost immediately. People close themselves off and stop listening if they are being yelled at. Aside from physical and emotional stress that could develop from yelling all the time, people simply do not get any effective communication done. So next time, use a calm voice to find an answer to the problem rather than yelling at your partner. Your body will thank you in the long run."
4 Tips to Healthy Arguments | ThirdAge: 'via Blog this'
4 Tips to Healthy Arguments | ThirdAge: 'via Blog this'
Wellness for Peace Tips: Healthy Arguments: "Your Spouse is Annoying Accept It
"Your Spouse is Annoying Accept It. Nobody is perfect that's a fact. Your partner's imperfections help to make him or her the person that you fell for way back when. Try to view these annoyances in a positive light: They're reminders of the quirks you used to love about your partner, rather than the start of your irreconcilable differences."
4 Tips to Healthy Arguments | ThirdAge: 'via Blog this'
4 Tips to Healthy Arguments | ThirdAge: 'via Blog this'
Wellness for Peace Tips: Healthy Arguments: ARGUE WELL
You're going to argue about things. Thats inevitable. The tip is to do it in a stress free way. The second that a critique or demand comes into play, stress is sure to follow. Its best to discuss the situation in a neutral tone of voice and with an open mind towards your partners views . Then try to come up with the best solution possible."
'via Blog this'
'via Blog this'
Friday, October 7, 2011
Wellness for Peace: Your reflection offers visual cues to what may be happening within your internal systems--such as your heart, stomach, hormones...
Wellness for Peace: Health Signs in Your Face: Find out!: "How Traditional Chinese Medicine Reads the Body to Detect Disease. Most people don't realize that their face provides information about what's going on beneath the surface. Your body speaks a unique language to communicate the imbalances within it. Chinese medicine has mastered the art and science of reading the body's language over its five thousand year practice. Each part of your face reflects a different element from the Chinese 5-Element network (fire, earth, water, metal, and wood), which in turn, corresponds to a particular organ grouping. Your reflection offers visual cues to what may be happening within your internal systems--such as your heart, stomach, hormones and even your mind and spirit.
In some situations visual cues will immediately alert you of an issue, and you can take measures immediately. But the real value of self-inspection is in detecting subtle imbalances and dealing with them preventively through diet, herbal supplementation, and lifestyle practices. By reading your body, you can take care of small problems before they become big health issues."
The Forehead
According to Chinese medicine, the forehead corresponds to the fire element. This is associated with the heart and small intestine organ network, as well as the mind and spirit.
Forehead: Fire Element - Heart/Small Intestine
When examining your forehead, look for redness or small blood vessels that appear as discoloration, which could indicate a heart problem. Skin discoloration could also be caused by a recent emotionally-charged experience, such as a breakup or loss. It is common for people whose emotions are regularly in turmoil to have a constant furrow between their eyebrows.
A heart attack can often be foretold by a subtle bluish-green hue on the forehead. If you have discoloration on your forehead accompanied by heart palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath, and tingling or pain in your left arm, schedule an appointment with a cardiologist or visit an emergency room, if necessary.
Your Nose
Your nose corresponds to the earth element, indicating a connection to the stomach, spleen and pancreas network.
Nose: Earth Element - Spleen/Pancreas/Stomach
Symptoms of internal discord typically show up as a pimple on the tip or side of your nose. Think back to your meals from the previous day. Did you eat a lot of spicy, deep-fried, fatty, or rich foods? How about chocolate? If the answer is "yes," your choice of cuisine could be the problem. As a result, you may suffer from indigestion, constipation, or diarrhea.
Broken capillaries or redness across the bridge of the nose could reveal alcohol abuse, or it may simply mean excessive worry and stress, which taxes your earth element network. I had a patient who would de-stress from her taxing executive job with alcohol and sweets, and her nose always gave these indiscretions away. I recommended she calm her nerves in healthier ways, like meditation and other stress-releasing techniques.
Your Chin
The chin area is related to the water element, which is internally associated to your kidney and bladder organ network, including the hormonal system and glands.
Chin: Water Element - Kidney/Bladder
Blemishes, discoloration and dark patches of skin around the chin and mouth could indicate problems within the kidneys or bladder. Recurrent acne breakouts around your chin may signify a hormonal imbalance. The problem is most often due to the body producing excess estrogen or testosterone and tends to be coupled with irregular menstruation in women and prostate symptoms in men.
Be sure to also look at your philtrum, the indentation just above your lips. This small area relates to the uterus and ovaries in women and the prostate and genitals in men. Horizontal lines, blemishes or discoloration across the philtrum may indicate infertility issues due to problems such as endometriosis or uterine fibroid cysts.
According to Chinese medicine, people who have a small chin are genetically predispositioned to weakness in their kidney and bladder network. However, this doesn't mean that small-chinned people will develop kidney disease. The information is simply an alert that a tendency may exist, and patients can choose to make lifestyle changes to prevent the development of a condition.
Your Right Cheek
Your right cheek corresponds to the metal element, meaning this area of your face is connected to the lung and large intestine network.
Right Cheek: Metal Element - Lung/Large Intenstine
Problems in the lung and large intestine network present themselves as discoloration, blemishes and skin problems on your right cheek. A mild acne breakout, eczema patch or slight redness may mean a cold is coming on. Lung illness or upper respiratory ailments also trigger visual symptoms on the right cheek.
People who are prone to respiratory allergies or asthma have a tendency to have a reddish, scaly eczema, a slight rash or slight bluish-green hue along the right cheek--showing too much heat or inflammation in the respiratory system, or a lack of oxygen from bronchial constriction. One of my many pediatric patients who suffered from allergic asthma always displayed an eczema-like patch right before a flare up of her allergy attack, a very useful tip off. I instructed her mother to treat her right away with herbs for allergies to avert an asthma attack.
Your Left Cheek
The left cheek corresponds to your wood element, or the liver-gallbladder network.
Left Cheek: Wood Element - Liver/Gallbladder
Broken capillaries and redness, especially up next to the bridge of your nose, indicate heat, inflammation or congestion of toxins in the liver. Bulging veins, redness, and rash sometimes signal high blood pressure and pent-up anger. A yellowish hue under the left eye may indicate gallstones or high triglycerides or cholesterol, which are processed by the liver-gall bladder network.
Problems in this part of the face can also reveal emotional issues, such as anger and depression, since the liver and gallbladder network includes the nervous system.
Please keep in mind that there are many ways that your body alerts you to imbalances. As you learn this visual method, you'll want to be able to confirm your findings from one body part with observations from others, such as the eyes, tongue, and nails. Want to learn more? Get your own copy of Secrets of Self-Healing, where you can find in-depth information.
Keep all five elements healthy and get a whole body tune-up with a balanced combination of 44 traditional Chinese herbs that support healthy function of the bodily systems, the Five Elements of Health Formula.
I hope this article helps you find out what your face is telling you! I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.
In some situations visual cues will immediately alert you of an issue, and you can take measures immediately. But the real value of self-inspection is in detecting subtle imbalances and dealing with them preventively through diet, herbal supplementation, and lifestyle practices. By reading your body, you can take care of small problems before they become big health issues."
The Forehead
According to Chinese medicine, the forehead corresponds to the fire element. This is associated with the heart and small intestine organ network, as well as the mind and spirit.
Forehead: Fire Element - Heart/Small Intestine
When examining your forehead, look for redness or small blood vessels that appear as discoloration, which could indicate a heart problem. Skin discoloration could also be caused by a recent emotionally-charged experience, such as a breakup or loss. It is common for people whose emotions are regularly in turmoil to have a constant furrow between their eyebrows.
A heart attack can often be foretold by a subtle bluish-green hue on the forehead. If you have discoloration on your forehead accompanied by heart palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath, and tingling or pain in your left arm, schedule an appointment with a cardiologist or visit an emergency room, if necessary.
Your Nose
Your nose corresponds to the earth element, indicating a connection to the stomach, spleen and pancreas network.
Nose: Earth Element - Spleen/Pancreas/Stomach
Symptoms of internal discord typically show up as a pimple on the tip or side of your nose. Think back to your meals from the previous day. Did you eat a lot of spicy, deep-fried, fatty, or rich foods? How about chocolate? If the answer is "yes," your choice of cuisine could be the problem. As a result, you may suffer from indigestion, constipation, or diarrhea.
Broken capillaries or redness across the bridge of the nose could reveal alcohol abuse, or it may simply mean excessive worry and stress, which taxes your earth element network. I had a patient who would de-stress from her taxing executive job with alcohol and sweets, and her nose always gave these indiscretions away. I recommended she calm her nerves in healthier ways, like meditation and other stress-releasing techniques.
Your Chin
The chin area is related to the water element, which is internally associated to your kidney and bladder organ network, including the hormonal system and glands.
Chin: Water Element - Kidney/Bladder
Blemishes, discoloration and dark patches of skin around the chin and mouth could indicate problems within the kidneys or bladder. Recurrent acne breakouts around your chin may signify a hormonal imbalance. The problem is most often due to the body producing excess estrogen or testosterone and tends to be coupled with irregular menstruation in women and prostate symptoms in men.
Be sure to also look at your philtrum, the indentation just above your lips. This small area relates to the uterus and ovaries in women and the prostate and genitals in men. Horizontal lines, blemishes or discoloration across the philtrum may indicate infertility issues due to problems such as endometriosis or uterine fibroid cysts.
According to Chinese medicine, people who have a small chin are genetically predispositioned to weakness in their kidney and bladder network. However, this doesn't mean that small-chinned people will develop kidney disease. The information is simply an alert that a tendency may exist, and patients can choose to make lifestyle changes to prevent the development of a condition.
Your Right Cheek
Your right cheek corresponds to the metal element, meaning this area of your face is connected to the lung and large intestine network.
Right Cheek: Metal Element - Lung/Large Intenstine
Problems in the lung and large intestine network present themselves as discoloration, blemishes and skin problems on your right cheek. A mild acne breakout, eczema patch or slight redness may mean a cold is coming on. Lung illness or upper respiratory ailments also trigger visual symptoms on the right cheek.
People who are prone to respiratory allergies or asthma have a tendency to have a reddish, scaly eczema, a slight rash or slight bluish-green hue along the right cheek--showing too much heat or inflammation in the respiratory system, or a lack of oxygen from bronchial constriction. One of my many pediatric patients who suffered from allergic asthma always displayed an eczema-like patch right before a flare up of her allergy attack, a very useful tip off. I instructed her mother to treat her right away with herbs for allergies to avert an asthma attack.
Your Left Cheek
The left cheek corresponds to your wood element, or the liver-gallbladder network.
Left Cheek: Wood Element - Liver/Gallbladder
Broken capillaries and redness, especially up next to the bridge of your nose, indicate heat, inflammation or congestion of toxins in the liver. Bulging veins, redness, and rash sometimes signal high blood pressure and pent-up anger. A yellowish hue under the left eye may indicate gallstones or high triglycerides or cholesterol, which are processed by the liver-gall bladder network.
Problems in this part of the face can also reveal emotional issues, such as anger and depression, since the liver and gallbladder network includes the nervous system.
Please keep in mind that there are many ways that your body alerts you to imbalances. As you learn this visual method, you'll want to be able to confirm your findings from one body part with observations from others, such as the eyes, tongue, and nails. Want to learn more? Get your own copy of Secrets of Self-Healing, where you can find in-depth information.
Keep all five elements healthy and get a whole body tune-up with a balanced combination of 44 traditional Chinese herbs that support healthy function of the bodily systems, the Five Elements of Health Formula.
I hope this article helps you find out what your face is telling you! I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.
Source:
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wellness for Peace: Being In-Love, Infatuation / Limemerence
Wellness for Peace: Wellness Tip: Understanding the Emotion of Being In-Love, Infatuation / Limemerence: "Limerence refers to an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe the ultimate, near-obsessional form of romantic love.[1]
The concept is an attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic love. Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses having intense feelings of attachment and preoccupations with the love object.
According to Tennov, there are at least two types of love: limerence, what she calls "loving attachment", and "loving affection," the bond that exists between an individual and his or her parents and children.[2]
"
Limerence is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual. Basically, it is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense passion or admiration for someone.
Limerence is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. It is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of limerence, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire, who may or may not be attainable.
It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated. Limerence is sometimes also referred to as infatuation. In common speech, infatuation includes aspects of immaturity and extrapolating from insufficient information, and is usually short-lived.
Origins
The concept of limerence first originated in Tennov's research in the mid-1960s. She interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love. Tennov coined the term "limerence" in 1977, publishing it in her 1979 book "Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love".
Tennov differentiates between limerence and other emotions by asserting that love involves concern for the other person's welfare and feeling. While limerence does not require it, those concerns may certainly be incorporated.
Affection and fondness exist only as a disposition towards another person, irrespective of whether those feelings are reciprocated, whereas limerence demands return. Physical contact with the object is neither essential nor sufficient to an individual experiencing limerence, unlike one experiencing sexual attraction.
Components
Limerence involves intrusive thinking about the limerent object.[3] Other characteristics include acute longing for reciprocation, fear of rejection, and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence. In cases of unrequited limerence, transient relief may be found by vividly imagining reciprocation from the limerent object.
Feelings of limerence can be intensified through adversity, obstacles, or distance. A limerent person may have acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably. This may include a tendency to devise, fabricate, or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object.
A person experiencing limerence has a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background. In their thoughts, a limerent person tends to emphasize what is admirable in the limerent object and to avoid any negative or problematic attributes.
Intrusive thinking
During the height of limerence, thoughts of the limerent object (or person) are at once persistent, involuntary and intrusive. Limerence is first and foremost a condition of cognitive obsession. All events, associations, stimuli, and experiences return thoughts to the limerent object with unnerving consistency.
The constant thoughts about the limerent object define all other experiences. If a certain thought has no previous connection with the limerent object, immediately one is made. Limerent fantasy is unsatisfactory unless rooted in reality[citation needed], because the fantasizer may want the fantasy to seem realistic and somewhat possible.
Fantasies that are concerned with farfetched ideas are usually dropped by the fantasizer.[citation needed] Sometimes it is retrospective; actual events are replayed from memory with great vividness. This form predominates when what is viewed as evidence of possible reciprocation can be re-experienced (a kind of selective or revisionist history).
Otherwise, the long fantasy is anticipatory; it begins in the everyday world and climaxes at the attainment of the limerent goal. A limerent fantasy can also involve an unusual, often tragic, event.
The long fantasies form bridges between the limerent's ordinary life and that intensely desired ecstatic moment. The duration and complexity of a fantasy depend on the availability of time and freedom from distractions. The bliss of the imagined moment of consummation is greater when events imagined to precede it are possible.
In fact they often represent grave departures from the probable. Not always is it entirely pleasant, and when rejection seems likely the thoughts focus on despair, sometimes to the point of suicide. The pleasantness or unpleasantness of the state seems almost unrelated to the intensity of the reaction.
Although the direction of feeling, i.e. happy versus unhappy, shifts rapidly, the intensity of intrusive and involuntary thinking alters less rapidly, and alters only in response to an accumulation of experiences with the particular limerent object.
Fantasies are occasionally dreamed by the one experiencing limerence. Dreams give out strong emotion and happiness when experienced, but often end with despair when the subject awakens. Dreams can reawaken strong feelings toward the limerent object after the feelings have declined.
Fear of rejection
Along with the emphasis on positive qualities perceived in the limerent object, and preoccupation with the hope for return of feelings, there is a fear that limerence will be met by the very opposite of reciprocation: rejection. Considerable self-doubt and uncertainty is experienced and it causes pain, but also enhances desire to a certain extent.
However in most cases, this is what helps to eventually destroy the limerence if a suitably long period of time has passed without reciprocation.
Limerent fear of rejection is usually confined to shyness in the presence of the limerent object, but it can also spread to situations involving other potential limerent objects, though generally it does not affect other spheres of life.
Although it appears that limerence blossoms under some forms of adversity, extreme caution and shyness may prevent a relationship from occurring, even when both parties are interested. This results from a fear of exposing one's undesirable characteristics to the limerent object.
Hope
Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty. The base for limerent hope is not in objective reality but reality as it is perceived. The inclination is to sift through nuances of speech and subtleties of behavior for evidence of limerent hope. "Little things" are noticed and endlessly analyzed for meaning.
The belief that the limerent object does not and will not reciprocate can only come about with great difficulty. Limerence can be carried quite far before acknowledgment of rejection is genuine, especially if it has not been addressed openly by the object of limerence.
Excessive concern over trivia may not be entirely unfounded. Body language can indicate a return of feeling. What the limerent object said and did is recalled with vividness. Alternative meanings of those behaviors recalled are searched out.
Each word and gesture is permanently available for review, especially those which can be interpreted as evidence in favor of "return of feeling." When objects, people, places or situations are encountered with the limerent object, they are vividly remembered, especially if the limerent object 'interacted' with them in some way.
Physical effects
The physiological correlations of limerence are heart palpitations, trembling, pallor, flushing, pupil dilation and general weakness. Awkwardness, stuttering, shyness, confusion predominate at the behavioral level, dizziness, Syncope (Fainting/Passing out), Illness (Sickness, dizziness, headaches, etc.)
There is apprehension, nervousness, and anxiety due to terrible worry that any action may bring about disaster. Many of the commonly associated physiological reactions are the result of the limerent fear. Some people however may find that these effects come most strongly either immediately at or some time after contact with the object of limerence, and this is accompanied with an acute feeling of ecstasy or despair, depending on the turn of events beforehand.
The super-sensitivity that is heightened by fear of rejection can get in the way of interpreting the limerent object's body language and lead to inaction and wasted opportunities. Body signals may be emitted that confuse and interfere with attaining the limerent object.
A condition of sustained alertness, a heightening of awareness and an enormous fund of energy to deploy in pursuit of the limerent aim is developed. The sensation of limerence is felt in the midpoint of the chest, bottom of the throat, guts, or in some cases in the abdominal region.[citation needed] This can be interpreted as ecstasy at times of mutuality, but its presence is most noticeable during despair at times of rejection.
Fainting
Syncope, or "fainting", very rarely happens, but takes place when the person is deeply in love with the limerent object[citation needed], physically, and personality-wise, and is usually only for small periods, 1–5 seconds. It is a sign of true obsession for the limerent object, reaching the peak of limerence (very rarely happens) and is often accompanied by non-stop thinking of the limerent object for long periods of time.
Game-playing
No matter how intensely reciprocation is desired it cannot simply be requested. To ask is to risk premature self-disclosure. The interplay is delicate, with the reactions of each person inextricably bound to the behavior of the other - or at least so in the mind of the Limerant.
Progression toward ecstatic mutuality may not involve externally created difficulties but feinting and parrying, minor deceptions, and falsehoods. The uncertainty required by the limerent reaction may often be merely a matter of perception. Despite ideals and philosophy, a process begins that bears unquestionable similarity to a game. The prize is not trifling: reciprocation produces ecstasy.
Whether it will be won, whether it will be shared, and what the final outcome may be depends on the effectiveness of actions and those of the limerent object; indeed on skill. Deviations from straightforward honesty become essential limerent strategies.
Fears lead to proceeding with a caution that will hopefully protect from disaster. Reason to hope combined with reason to doubt keeps passion at fever pitch and too-ready limerent availability cools. Open declaration of true feelings may stop the process.
Limerent uncertainty as well as projection can be viewed as the consequence of the limerent inclination to hide feelings. Because one of the invariant characteristics of limerence is extreme emotional dependency on the limerent object’s behavior, the actual course of limerence must depend on the actions and reactions of both people.
Uncertainty increases limerence; increased limerence dictates altered action, which serves to increase or decrease limerence in the other according to the interpretation given. The interplay is delicate if the relationship hovers near mutuality; a subtle imbalance, constantly shifting, appears to maintain it.
In most cases each person knows who is more limerent, but this is not always so. In most cases the limerents may believe a certain viewpoint, but the constant uncertainty means they are doubting or questioning themselves for most of the time regarding the other person. This can vary widely between different people.
Sexuality
Awareness of physical attraction plays a key role in the development of limerence, but is not enough to satisfy the limerent desire, and is almost never the main focus—instead, the limerent focuses on what could be defined as the "beneficial attributes".
A person, to become the limerent object, must be a potential sex partner. Limerence can be intensified after a sexual relationship has begun, and with more intense limerence there is greater desire for sexual contact. However, while sexual surrender once indicated the end of uncertainty in the limerent object, in modern times this is not necessarily the case.
Sexual fantasies are distinct from limerent ones. Limerent fantasy is rooted in reality and is intrusive rather than voluntary. Sexual fantasies are under more or less voluntary control and may also involve strangers, imaginary individuals, and situations that could not take place.
People can become aroused by the thought of sexual partners, acts, and situations that are not truly desired, whereas every detail of the limerent fantasy is passionately desired actually to take place. Limerence sometimes increases sexual interest in other partners when the limerent object is unreceptive or unavailable, such as when married people find sex with their spouses more pleasurable when they become limerent over someone else.
Limerent reaction
The limerent reaction is a composite reaction; that is, it actually describes a unique series of reactions. These reactions occur only where misperceptions meet adversity in the context of a romance. Perhaps because of this unique specificity, limerent reactions can be uniquely quantified and predicted according to the schema described below.
Involvement increases if obstacles are externally imposed or if the limerent object’s feelings are doubted. Only if the limerent object were to be revealed as highly undesirable might limerence subside. The presence of some degree of doubt causes the intensity of the feelings to rise further. The stage is reached at which the reaction is virtually impossible to dislodge.
This adversity may be superficial or deep, internal or external, so that an individual may generate deep adversity where none exists. Also "romance," as it were, need not be present in any genuine way for a limerent reaction to proceed.
The course of limerence results in a more intrusive thinking pattern. This thinking pattern is an expectant and often joyous period with the initial focusing on the limerent object’s admirable qualities; crystallization. Then, under appropriate conditions of hope and uncertainty, the limerence intensifies further.
With evidence of reciprocation from the limerent object, a state of extreme pleasure, even euphoria, is enjoyed. Thoughts are mainly occupied with considering and reconsidering what is attractive in the limerent object, replaying whatever events may have thus far transpired with the limerent object, and appreciating personal qualities which are perceived as possibly having sparked interest in the limerent object.
At peak crystallization, almost all waking thoughts revolve around the limerent object. After this peak, the feelings eventually decline.
Fantasies are preferred to virtually any other activity with the exception of activities that are believed to help obtain the limerent object, and activities that involve actually being in the presence of the limerent object. The motivation to attain a "relationship" continues to intensify so long as a proper mix of hope and uncertainty exist.
Tennov estimates, based on both questionnaire and interview data, that the average limerent reaction duration, from the moment of initiation until a feeling of neutrality is reached, is approximately three years. The extremes may be as brief as a few weeks or several years. When limerence is brief, maximum intensity may not have been attained.
Limerence generally lasts between 18 months and three years, but further studies on unrequited limerence have suggested longer durations.
Bond varieties
Main article: Human bonding
Once the limerent reaction has initiated, one of three varieties of bonds may form, defined over a set duration of time, in relation to the experience or non-experience of limerence. The constitution of these bonds may vary over the course of the relationship, in ways that may either increase or decrease the intensity of the limerence.
The basis and interesting characteristic of this delineation made by Tennov, is that based on her research and interviews with people, all human bonded relationships can be divided into three varieties being defined by the amount of limerence or non-limerence each partner contributes to the relationship.
With an affectional bond, neither partner is limerent. With a Limerent-Nonlimerent bond, one partner is limerent. In a Limerent-Limerent bond, both partners are limerent.
Affectional bonding characterize those affectionate sexual relationships where neither partner is limerent; couples tend to be in love, but do not report continuous and unwanted intrusive thinking, feeling intense need for exclusivity, or define their goals in terms of reciprocity. These types of bonded couples tend to emphasize compatibility of interests, mutual preferences in leisure activities, ability to work together, and in some cases a degree of relative contentment.
The bulk of relationships, however, according to Tennov, are those between a limerent person and a nonlimerent other, i.e. limerent-nonlimerent bonding. These bonds are characterized by unequal reciprocation.
Lastly, those relationship bonds in which there exists mutual reciprocation are defined as limerent-limerent bondings. Tennov argues since limerence itself is an "unstable state" that mutually limerent bonds would be expected to be short-lived; mixed relationships probably last longer than limerent-limerent relationships; and affectional bondings tend to be characterized as "old marrieds" whose interactions are typically both stable and mutually gratifying.
'via Blog this'
The concept is an attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic love. Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses having intense feelings of attachment and preoccupations with the love object.
According to Tennov, there are at least two types of love: limerence, what she calls "loving attachment", and "loving affection," the bond that exists between an individual and his or her parents and children.[2]
"
Limerence is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual. Basically, it is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense passion or admiration for someone.
Limerence is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. It is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of limerence, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire, who may or may not be attainable.
It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated. Limerence is sometimes also referred to as infatuation. In common speech, infatuation includes aspects of immaturity and extrapolating from insufficient information, and is usually short-lived.
Origins
The concept of limerence first originated in Tennov's research in the mid-1960s. She interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love. Tennov coined the term "limerence" in 1977, publishing it in her 1979 book "Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love".
Tennov differentiates between limerence and other emotions by asserting that love involves concern for the other person's welfare and feeling. While limerence does not require it, those concerns may certainly be incorporated.
Affection and fondness exist only as a disposition towards another person, irrespective of whether those feelings are reciprocated, whereas limerence demands return. Physical contact with the object is neither essential nor sufficient to an individual experiencing limerence, unlike one experiencing sexual attraction.
Components
Limerence involves intrusive thinking about the limerent object.[3] Other characteristics include acute longing for reciprocation, fear of rejection, and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence. In cases of unrequited limerence, transient relief may be found by vividly imagining reciprocation from the limerent object.
Feelings of limerence can be intensified through adversity, obstacles, or distance. A limerent person may have acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably. This may include a tendency to devise, fabricate, or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object.
A person experiencing limerence has a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background. In their thoughts, a limerent person tends to emphasize what is admirable in the limerent object and to avoid any negative or problematic attributes.
Intrusive thinking
During the height of limerence, thoughts of the limerent object (or person) are at once persistent, involuntary and intrusive. Limerence is first and foremost a condition of cognitive obsession. All events, associations, stimuli, and experiences return thoughts to the limerent object with unnerving consistency.
The constant thoughts about the limerent object define all other experiences. If a certain thought has no previous connection with the limerent object, immediately one is made. Limerent fantasy is unsatisfactory unless rooted in reality[citation needed], because the fantasizer may want the fantasy to seem realistic and somewhat possible.
Fantasies that are concerned with farfetched ideas are usually dropped by the fantasizer.[citation needed] Sometimes it is retrospective; actual events are replayed from memory with great vividness. This form predominates when what is viewed as evidence of possible reciprocation can be re-experienced (a kind of selective or revisionist history).
Otherwise, the long fantasy is anticipatory; it begins in the everyday world and climaxes at the attainment of the limerent goal. A limerent fantasy can also involve an unusual, often tragic, event.
The long fantasies form bridges between the limerent's ordinary life and that intensely desired ecstatic moment. The duration and complexity of a fantasy depend on the availability of time and freedom from distractions. The bliss of the imagined moment of consummation is greater when events imagined to precede it are possible.
In fact they often represent grave departures from the probable. Not always is it entirely pleasant, and when rejection seems likely the thoughts focus on despair, sometimes to the point of suicide. The pleasantness or unpleasantness of the state seems almost unrelated to the intensity of the reaction.
Although the direction of feeling, i.e. happy versus unhappy, shifts rapidly, the intensity of intrusive and involuntary thinking alters less rapidly, and alters only in response to an accumulation of experiences with the particular limerent object.
Fantasies are occasionally dreamed by the one experiencing limerence. Dreams give out strong emotion and happiness when experienced, but often end with despair when the subject awakens. Dreams can reawaken strong feelings toward the limerent object after the feelings have declined.
Fear of rejection
Along with the emphasis on positive qualities perceived in the limerent object, and preoccupation with the hope for return of feelings, there is a fear that limerence will be met by the very opposite of reciprocation: rejection. Considerable self-doubt and uncertainty is experienced and it causes pain, but also enhances desire to a certain extent.
However in most cases, this is what helps to eventually destroy the limerence if a suitably long period of time has passed without reciprocation.
Limerent fear of rejection is usually confined to shyness in the presence of the limerent object, but it can also spread to situations involving other potential limerent objects, though generally it does not affect other spheres of life.
Although it appears that limerence blossoms under some forms of adversity, extreme caution and shyness may prevent a relationship from occurring, even when both parties are interested. This results from a fear of exposing one's undesirable characteristics to the limerent object.
Hope
Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty. The base for limerent hope is not in objective reality but reality as it is perceived. The inclination is to sift through nuances of speech and subtleties of behavior for evidence of limerent hope. "Little things" are noticed and endlessly analyzed for meaning.
The belief that the limerent object does not and will not reciprocate can only come about with great difficulty. Limerence can be carried quite far before acknowledgment of rejection is genuine, especially if it has not been addressed openly by the object of limerence.
Excessive concern over trivia may not be entirely unfounded. Body language can indicate a return of feeling. What the limerent object said and did is recalled with vividness. Alternative meanings of those behaviors recalled are searched out.
Each word and gesture is permanently available for review, especially those which can be interpreted as evidence in favor of "return of feeling." When objects, people, places or situations are encountered with the limerent object, they are vividly remembered, especially if the limerent object 'interacted' with them in some way.
Physical effects
The physiological correlations of limerence are heart palpitations, trembling, pallor, flushing, pupil dilation and general weakness. Awkwardness, stuttering, shyness, confusion predominate at the behavioral level, dizziness, Syncope (Fainting/Passing out), Illness (Sickness, dizziness, headaches, etc.)
There is apprehension, nervousness, and anxiety due to terrible worry that any action may bring about disaster. Many of the commonly associated physiological reactions are the result of the limerent fear. Some people however may find that these effects come most strongly either immediately at or some time after contact with the object of limerence, and this is accompanied with an acute feeling of ecstasy or despair, depending on the turn of events beforehand.
The super-sensitivity that is heightened by fear of rejection can get in the way of interpreting the limerent object's body language and lead to inaction and wasted opportunities. Body signals may be emitted that confuse and interfere with attaining the limerent object.
A condition of sustained alertness, a heightening of awareness and an enormous fund of energy to deploy in pursuit of the limerent aim is developed. The sensation of limerence is felt in the midpoint of the chest, bottom of the throat, guts, or in some cases in the abdominal region.[citation needed] This can be interpreted as ecstasy at times of mutuality, but its presence is most noticeable during despair at times of rejection.
Fainting
Syncope, or "fainting", very rarely happens, but takes place when the person is deeply in love with the limerent object[citation needed], physically, and personality-wise, and is usually only for small periods, 1–5 seconds. It is a sign of true obsession for the limerent object, reaching the peak of limerence (very rarely happens) and is often accompanied by non-stop thinking of the limerent object for long periods of time.
Game-playing
No matter how intensely reciprocation is desired it cannot simply be requested. To ask is to risk premature self-disclosure. The interplay is delicate, with the reactions of each person inextricably bound to the behavior of the other - or at least so in the mind of the Limerant.
Progression toward ecstatic mutuality may not involve externally created difficulties but feinting and parrying, minor deceptions, and falsehoods. The uncertainty required by the limerent reaction may often be merely a matter of perception. Despite ideals and philosophy, a process begins that bears unquestionable similarity to a game. The prize is not trifling: reciprocation produces ecstasy.
Whether it will be won, whether it will be shared, and what the final outcome may be depends on the effectiveness of actions and those of the limerent object; indeed on skill. Deviations from straightforward honesty become essential limerent strategies.
Fears lead to proceeding with a caution that will hopefully protect from disaster. Reason to hope combined with reason to doubt keeps passion at fever pitch and too-ready limerent availability cools. Open declaration of true feelings may stop the process.
Limerent uncertainty as well as projection can be viewed as the consequence of the limerent inclination to hide feelings. Because one of the invariant characteristics of limerence is extreme emotional dependency on the limerent object’s behavior, the actual course of limerence must depend on the actions and reactions of both people.
Uncertainty increases limerence; increased limerence dictates altered action, which serves to increase or decrease limerence in the other according to the interpretation given. The interplay is delicate if the relationship hovers near mutuality; a subtle imbalance, constantly shifting, appears to maintain it.
In most cases each person knows who is more limerent, but this is not always so. In most cases the limerents may believe a certain viewpoint, but the constant uncertainty means they are doubting or questioning themselves for most of the time regarding the other person. This can vary widely between different people.
Sexuality
Awareness of physical attraction plays a key role in the development of limerence, but is not enough to satisfy the limerent desire, and is almost never the main focus—instead, the limerent focuses on what could be defined as the "beneficial attributes".
A person, to become the limerent object, must be a potential sex partner. Limerence can be intensified after a sexual relationship has begun, and with more intense limerence there is greater desire for sexual contact. However, while sexual surrender once indicated the end of uncertainty in the limerent object, in modern times this is not necessarily the case.
Sexual fantasies are distinct from limerent ones. Limerent fantasy is rooted in reality and is intrusive rather than voluntary. Sexual fantasies are under more or less voluntary control and may also involve strangers, imaginary individuals, and situations that could not take place.
People can become aroused by the thought of sexual partners, acts, and situations that are not truly desired, whereas every detail of the limerent fantasy is passionately desired actually to take place. Limerence sometimes increases sexual interest in other partners when the limerent object is unreceptive or unavailable, such as when married people find sex with their spouses more pleasurable when they become limerent over someone else.
Limerent reaction
The limerent reaction is a composite reaction; that is, it actually describes a unique series of reactions. These reactions occur only where misperceptions meet adversity in the context of a romance. Perhaps because of this unique specificity, limerent reactions can be uniquely quantified and predicted according to the schema described below.
Involvement increases if obstacles are externally imposed or if the limerent object’s feelings are doubted. Only if the limerent object were to be revealed as highly undesirable might limerence subside. The presence of some degree of doubt causes the intensity of the feelings to rise further. The stage is reached at which the reaction is virtually impossible to dislodge.
This adversity may be superficial or deep, internal or external, so that an individual may generate deep adversity where none exists. Also "romance," as it were, need not be present in any genuine way for a limerent reaction to proceed.
The course of limerence results in a more intrusive thinking pattern. This thinking pattern is an expectant and often joyous period with the initial focusing on the limerent object’s admirable qualities; crystallization. Then, under appropriate conditions of hope and uncertainty, the limerence intensifies further.
With evidence of reciprocation from the limerent object, a state of extreme pleasure, even euphoria, is enjoyed. Thoughts are mainly occupied with considering and reconsidering what is attractive in the limerent object, replaying whatever events may have thus far transpired with the limerent object, and appreciating personal qualities which are perceived as possibly having sparked interest in the limerent object.
At peak crystallization, almost all waking thoughts revolve around the limerent object. After this peak, the feelings eventually decline.
Fantasies are preferred to virtually any other activity with the exception of activities that are believed to help obtain the limerent object, and activities that involve actually being in the presence of the limerent object. The motivation to attain a "relationship" continues to intensify so long as a proper mix of hope and uncertainty exist.
Tennov estimates, based on both questionnaire and interview data, that the average limerent reaction duration, from the moment of initiation until a feeling of neutrality is reached, is approximately three years. The extremes may be as brief as a few weeks or several years. When limerence is brief, maximum intensity may not have been attained.
Limerence generally lasts between 18 months and three years, but further studies on unrequited limerence have suggested longer durations.
Bond varieties
Main article: Human bonding
Once the limerent reaction has initiated, one of three varieties of bonds may form, defined over a set duration of time, in relation to the experience or non-experience of limerence. The constitution of these bonds may vary over the course of the relationship, in ways that may either increase or decrease the intensity of the limerence.
The basis and interesting characteristic of this delineation made by Tennov, is that based on her research and interviews with people, all human bonded relationships can be divided into three varieties being defined by the amount of limerence or non-limerence each partner contributes to the relationship.
With an affectional bond, neither partner is limerent. With a Limerent-Nonlimerent bond, one partner is limerent. In a Limerent-Limerent bond, both partners are limerent.
Affectional bonding characterize those affectionate sexual relationships where neither partner is limerent; couples tend to be in love, but do not report continuous and unwanted intrusive thinking, feeling intense need for exclusivity, or define their goals in terms of reciprocity. These types of bonded couples tend to emphasize compatibility of interests, mutual preferences in leisure activities, ability to work together, and in some cases a degree of relative contentment.
The bulk of relationships, however, according to Tennov, are those between a limerent person and a nonlimerent other, i.e. limerent-nonlimerent bonding. These bonds are characterized by unequal reciprocation.
Lastly, those relationship bonds in which there exists mutual reciprocation are defined as limerent-limerent bondings. Tennov argues since limerence itself is an "unstable state" that mutually limerent bonds would be expected to be short-lived; mixed relationships probably last longer than limerent-limerent relationships; and affectional bondings tend to be characterized as "old marrieds" whose interactions are typically both stable and mutually gratifying.
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Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wellness for Peace: Meditation also heals sex obsession, alcohol & nicotine dependency & it also balances mental neurons
Wellness for Peace: NATURAL EATING & HEALTHY LIFESTYLE: "The best way to heal ourselves from cancer or prevent the development of cancer cells is to change lifestyle by going back to the basic of eating raw, salad (make sure you clean it well), veggies and fruits, and of course, tofu should be the regular diet. I suggest even if you're not diagnose to have cancer cells yet (probably they are still sleeping), might as well take the precaution. Choose the healthy menu. Sample below:
Breakfast: soy milk, one big bowl of oatmeal with fruits in season, ,brewed coffee (no instant please!) or hot chocolate, banana
Lunch: steamed tofu, steamed vegetables, , red rice (or white rice with red beans), apple or any fruits in season
Dinner: salad (wild, green,& local have less pesticides), wheat bread, , glass of milk or hot tea, fruits in season
Also, put plants in your working area,windows and doors to detoxify your air & refresh you in the morning. Open your windows and expose yourself to the sun early in the morning to heal depression. Before you sleep, do 30-60 mins yoga / meditation / deep breathing and Pray to detoxify your brain with negative thoughts and induce you to sleep soundly. Meditation also heals sex obsession, alcohol & nicotine dependency & it also balances mental neurons.
Eat on time and Sleep on time everyday. In other words, be a nice girl / boy. It pays to be obedient in the long run. No one will take care of you the best as you can but YOU because you know yourself very well.... Start now and enjoy living life at its finest and fullest at a lesser cost, no savings for hospital bills but money instead for enjoyment to travel, explore, create, and discover your innermost talent and more to accomplish your dreams.... as we both go through life extensively in peace with nature and God.
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Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Wellness for Peace: Peace Guideline to protect your self and relationship to others
Wellness for Peace: Peace Guideline to protect your self and relationship to others: Go placidly, amid the noise and haste.
And remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly.
Listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons they are vexation to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser person than your self.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be you self.
Especially, do not feign affection; neither, be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as a grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars, you have the right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, & whatever your labors & aspirations.
In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace within your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.
Desiderata (Author unknown)
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And remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly.
Listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons they are vexation to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser person than your self.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be you self.
Especially, do not feign affection; neither, be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as a grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars, you have the right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, & whatever your labors & aspirations.
In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace within your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.
Desiderata (Author unknown)
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Monday, October 3, 2011
Wellness for Peace: Once you're calm, express your anger. It's healthy to express your frustration in nonconfrontational way
Wellness for Peace: Counting to 10 before reacting really can defuse your temper. Think carefully before you say anything. Otherwise, you're likely to say something you'll regret. It can be helpful to write down what you want to say so that you can stick to the issues. When you're angry, it's easy to get sidetracked...Get some space. Take a break from the person you're angry with until your frustrations subside a bit. Get some exercise. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.
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Wellness for Peace: Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work with the person who angered you to resolve the issue at hand
Wellness for Peace: "Use 'I' statements when describing the problem. This will help you to avoid criticizing or placing blame, which can make the other person angry or resentful — and increase tension. For instance, say, "I'm upset you didn't help with the housework this evening," instead of, "You should have helped with the housework." Don't hold a grudge. If you can forgive the other person, it will help you both. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want. Use humor to release tensions. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it's can hurt feelings and make things worse. Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress can also help control your temper when it may flare up. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as "Take it easy." Other proven ways to ease anger include listening to music, writing in a journal and doing yoga."
source: Anger management tips: 10 ways to tame your temper - MayoClinic.com
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source: Anger management tips: 10 ways to tame your temper - MayoClinic.com
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Sunday, October 2, 2011
Wellness for Peace: Anger Management (actual emotion itself tends to have its roots anchored somewhere in the persons psyche)
Wellness for Peace: Anger Management. When People get angry it can come from two types of sources, internal and external. Regardless of which of the two sources, sometimes both, that triggers a persons anger, the actual emotion itself tends to have its roots anchored somewhere in the persons psyche. A man who was brought up in an abusive home may become angry as soon as they hear somebody get verbally loud. A person frustrated over money may get angry when a friend asks for a cigarette. Someone who feels that they are being generalized may get angry with someone who they feel perceives them in this fashion.
People get angry more often as their frustration tolerance lowers. This low tolerance level can be caused by a number of reasons, stress and/or anxiety, physical and/or emotional pain, drugs and alcohol, or simply having a bad day. All of these can lead to a lower frustration tolerance, and when people get angry it can result in unnecessary outbreaks. When anger is out of control it is similar to a person under the influence of drugs. The person's ability to rationalize is compromised and they act purely from emotion."
Note: People get angry when they feel that they are being threatened. It could be a perceived threat to themselves, their ego, or someone they love or sympathize with. It's when anger is uncontrolled that it becomes a negative force with negative consequences
People get angry more often as their frustration tolerance lowers. This low tolerance level can be caused by a number of reasons, stress and/or anxiety, physical and/or emotional pain, drugs and alcohol, or simply having a bad day. All of these can lead to a lower frustration tolerance, and when people get angry it can result in unnecessary outbreaks. When anger is out of control it is similar to a person under the influence of drugs. The person's ability to rationalize is compromised and they act purely from emotion."
Note: People get angry when they feel that they are being threatened. It could be a perceived threat to themselves, their ego, or someone they love or sympathize with. It's when anger is uncontrolled that it becomes a negative force with negative consequences
published by Francisco Herrera
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