Monday, November 9, 2015

TIP: Don't take opinions personally because their opinion reflects their own thinking anyway. Proceed to what you believe

You are responsible to your own thoughts. Others opinion are their own responsibility too. Don't get affected. If they are against you, they are not for you. If they are with you, they will believe you. Stay confident.

TIP: Make clear that you do not tolerate bullying behavior, and then follow through with consequences

How to Deal with Bullying at Home, Schools and Communities:

1. Speak to bullies frankly.
"It is OK to get mad, but not okay to act in a way that is hurtful to someone else." Make clear that you do not tolerate bullying behavior, and then follow through with consequences.
2. If you have an angry or aggressive child, encourage empathy by rewarding signs of it in your home.
Limit violent TV and movies.
3. Get both of your children involved in activities that will help them physically work out their frustration or stress.
Like non-contact sports, hikes or backyard play.
4. Never compare your children to one another out loud or within earshot.
Some children are very sensitive to this, and it can increase jealousy and mistrust — of each other, and of you.
5. Have one area in your home ( and school) where kids can talk about issues in a constructive manner.
If you hear bickering in their rooms, take them to the prescribed location, like a kitchen table. Setting up a time each evening for them to bicker in the "public" sphere can help minimize the behavior.
6. Never referee the fighting or conflict.
As much as you can, try to stay out of it. Participating gives the impression that you support the behavior.
Parents (and teachers) who teach healthy communication and conflict resolution skills are gifting their children and generations to come. Home is where the heart is, and the heart should feel safe. Children who grow up in a positive, supportive environment are given the tools they need to grow into successful adults.
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TIP: Be calm. Speak firmly but more softly. Don't yell. Don't beg. State things as they are

The result of assertiveness is respect. So how do you get it?
Be calm. Speak firmly but more softly. Don't yell. Don't beg. State things as they are. And don't ask permission or apologize! For example:
  • I hope it would be OK if I did this.
  • I worked really hard at this, but I don't think it's any good—what do you think?
  • Do you think it would be OK if I looked at the problem this way?
  • Oh, OK, I'm sorry to bother you—I am still unhappy about the service your company provided, and I won't shop here again, but I am really disappointed you won't refund my money.
  • You would never want to go on a date with me, would you?
Assertive doesn't mean you stick a machine gun in someone's face and demand action. It means you stop the political correctness and just state things as they are—the consequences, the conditions, and so on—strongly, but calmly. There is also one other word I'm going to give you. It's the most powerful word in the English language: no. For example:
  • No, I don't agree with your tactics, and I won't use them.
  • No, your proposal is not acceptable to me under any circumstances.
  • Thank you for calling me, but I'm not able to continue this conversation now, as I have a call in two minutes. Again, thanks for your time. Good day [hang up]. (This is for someone who will simply not get off the phone.)
  • No, thank you, I have a prior commitment at that time. I am available on Monday between noon and 3.
  • You're welcome to call me a moron and idiot as much as you want; however, that does not solve the impasse between our companies. So you can either work to solve the problem with me, the moron, or I will take whatever lawful actions are necessary to attain the desired result for my company. The choice is yours. (Humor can be effective here to show that the name-calling doesn't bother you in the least.)
Do what I say, and you will gain respect. Appease to no end, and you will attract more who wish to take advantage of you.

How do you become more assertive? originally appeared on Quora. http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2015/11/09/how_do_you_become_more_assertive.html